Humorous Wedding Speech by an Old Friend of the Groom :: Wedding Toasts Roasts Speeches

Humorous Wedding Speech by an Old Friend of the Groom Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen Let me first say that the bridesmaids look absolutely smashing today, and only rightly outshone by our bride, Pamela. And, I'm sure you'll agree with me gentlemen, today is a sad day for single men, as another beauty leaves the available list. And ladies, I'm sure you'll agree that today's passing by without much of a ripple. I've known Robert for the best part of twenty years and of course there are plenty of things I could tell you about what we got up to in our younger days. Unfortunately, I did consult my solicitor and he tells me that we could still face prosecution, so maybe I’ll keep things to a minimum†¦ and talk only about Robert’s positive attributes. And from time to time, Robert does exhibit some outstanding qualities of character which have earned the respect of so many of us gathered here today. He is generous to a fault – especially if it’s his own. He is exceptionally modest – although he has plenty to be modest about (or at least he did until Pamela became his girlfriend). And he is a man who always sticks by his convictions - he will remain in the wrong no matter how much he gets ridiculed for it. But perhaps Robert’s most enduring quality is his artful pillory of those about him. When on form, his wisecracks at the expense of others can be as withering to the subject as they are amusing to everyone else. Take the incident earlier today when he asked the vicar (preacher), ‘Do you charge for taking a church service?’ ‘Not a penny’ he replied. ‘From what I saw this morning, you’ve got it spot on!’ I am convinced Robert’s personality and sense of fun resulted from the games his dad played with him as a kid. He used to throw him in the air – and walk away. Needless to say, another good thing about Robert is that he can take a joke as well as. Mind you, so can Pamela, because she's taken Robert. Having been a first-hand observer of Robert for a long time I’ve seen other desirable virtues begin to emerge in him. He’s become quite entrepreneurial, and as a close friend of his I’ve been drawn into many of his wild schemes as an unwilling ally.

Succubus on Top CHAPTER 20

Striking Sol with that tiny piece of wood was like dropping a nuclear warhead into the room. The blast threw me off the couch, and I hit the floor with a jarring, painful thud. Small objects flew into the walls. Art tumbled to the ground. The windows in the room blew out in a sparkling shower of shards. And it was raining inside. Blood and glitter fell down around me in red, gleaming streaks. Mine wasn't the only true nature to be revealed. In the instant before Sol had exploded, I had felt him. Really felt him. Yes, he was part of a different system than mine, but he was no minor immortal player looking to stir up a little trouble. He was a god. A bona fide, honest to goodness god. Now, I should point out that gods come and go in the world based on belief. Godly power is directly proportional to the faith of their believers. So, those whose names no one remembers often walk around literally as bums, no different from humans save for their immortality. Sol, however, had had a fair amount of power. Not like Krishna power or God with a capital G power, but a lot. Certainly more than me. Holy shit. I had just destroyed a god. I straightened up from my fetal curl and looked around. Everything was still except for a light wind blowing in though the now-open windows. My skin and clothing were spattered with sticky scarlet blood, like I'd been at the wrong end of a paintbrush at the Mortensens,. My heart rate refused to slow. A moment later, I heard the pounding of footsteps on the stairs. Alec burst into the room, drawn by the noise and the shaking. He looked around, his lower jaw practically dropping to the floor as he came to a screeching stop. My intoxication had not passed with Sol's destruction. That fucking ambrosia was still in my system, and it was actually getting worse. Still, my anger at Alec was such that I again overcame my befuddled senses and reflexes, and with a speed that came as a surprise even to me, I sprang at him and knocked him to the ground. A moment's shape-shifting, and my short and slim frame suddenly held considerably more muscle and strength than its appearance suggested. I straddled Alec with my legs and arms, and panic blazed on his face when he realized he couldn't budge an inch from my grip. I hit him hard across the face. My coordination might have been off, but it didn't take much to apply brute force. â€Å"Who the hell was he? Sol?† â€Å"I don't know!† I hit him again. â€Å"Honest, I don't. I don't know,† blathered Alec. â€Å"He was just this guy†¦he found me and made me a deal.† â€Å"What was the deal? Why'd you bring me to him?† He swallowed, blinking back tears. â€Å"Sex. He wanted sex. Lots of lovers all the time. Didn't matter if they were guys or girls, just as long as they were good-looking. I wasn't supposed to touch them. I just hooked them up with the potion until they wanted to meet Sol. Then he, you know†¦Ã¢â‚¬  â€Å"Fucked them and dumped them,† I finished angrily. I thought about Casey and the Abercrombie model guy in the coffee shop. I recalled Alec's desire to get me on the ambrosia but his reluctance to touch me, no matter how much he wanted to. I was meant for Sol. â€Å"So that wasn't ambros – er, potion in my cup tonight. That really was some date-rape drug.† â€Å"I don't know,† Alec whimpered. â€Å"Come on, let me go.† I tightened my grip and shook him. It took a moment since my fingers had a little trouble keeping hold. I had to work to maintain the fierceness of my face and voice. † What'd he give you? Did he pay you or something?† â€Å"No. He just†¦he just gave me more of the potion. All I wanted, so long as I kept the people coming.† â€Å"And you gave it to the band,† I realized. â€Å"Yeah. It was the only way†¦the only way we could get big. It's all I've ever wanted. To land a record deal and get famous. This was the only way.† â€Å"No,† I said. â€Å"It was just the fastest way.† â€Å"Look, what'd you do to Sol? What are you going to do to me?† â€Å"What am I going to do?† I yelled, my anger rising through the drug. I shook him, knocking his head against the floor. â€Å"I should kill you too! Do you know what you've done to all these people? To the band? Doug's in the hospital right now because of you.† His eyes went wide. â€Å"I didn't know that. Honest. I didn't want to hurt him†¦I-I just couldn't get the stuff on time. Not until I delivered you.† He spoke of me and the other victims like we were commodities. I wanted to pick him up and throw him out the window. I could do it too. Humans were indeed fragile things, and while my succubus shape-shifting didn't have the power to maintain this  §r-strong shape all night, I could hold it long enough to do some major damage. Despite my normal abhorrence of violence, I have to admit that throwing people around a room is actually more satisfying than you'd think. After Dominique had died, I tracked down the corrupt doctor who had botched her abortion. I had changed from Josephine and wore the shape of an apish, seven-foot-tall man with bulging muscles. Storming into the doctor's small, sinister office, I didn't waste any time. I grabbed him as if he weighed nothing and tossed him against the wall, knocking down shelves of curiosities and so-called medical implements. It felt fantastic. Striding over, I picked him up by the front of his shirt and punched him hard in the side of the head, ten times harder than I'd hit Alec. The doctor staggered and fell but still had enough life to scramble backwards, crab-style, in an effort to get away. â€Å"Who are you?† he cried. â€Å"You killed a girl tonight,† I told him, moving menacingly. â€Å"A blond dancer.† His eyes bulged. â€Å"It happens. I told her. She knew the risks.† I knelt down so that we were at eye level. â€Å"You cut her open and took her money. You didn't care what happened to her.† â€Å"Look, if you want the money back – â€Å" â€Å"I want her back. Can you do that?† He only stared, shaking with fear. I stared back at him, shaking with my own power. I had the ability to kill him. To throw him again or snap his neck or choke the breath from him. It was terrible and wrong, but seized by my own rage, I couldn't control myself. Honestly, it's fortunate in the long run that most incubi and succubi have mild personalities more bent on pleasure than on pain. With the ability to take on any shape, we can be pretty deadly to mortals if we're pissed off enough. They can't really stand against us. This doctor sure as hell couldn't. But another immortal could. â€Å"Josephine,† murmured Bastien's voice behind me. Then:† Fleur .† When I still didn't respond or loosen my grip, Bastien said, â€Å"Letha.† My birth name penetrated the bloodlust pulsing through me. â€Å"Let him go. He isn't worth your time.† â€Å"And Dominique isn't worth avenging?† I demanded, my eyes never leaving the wretched human before me. â€Å"Dominique is dead. Her soul is in the next world. Killing this man won't change that.† â€Å"It'll make me feel better.† â€Å"Maybe,† conceded Bastien. â€Å"But it isn't your place to mete out punishment to mortals. That's reserved for higher powers.† â€Å"I am a higher power.† The incubus rested a gentle hand on my shoulder. I flinched. â€Å"We play a different role. We don't kill mortals.† â€Å"You and I have both killed before, Bas.† â€Å"In defense. Protecting a village from raiders isn't the same as cold-blooded murder. You may be damned, but you aren't this far gone.† I released my hold on the doctor and leaned back on my knees. He stayed frozen. â€Å"I loved Dominique,† I whispered. â€Å"I know. That's the problem with mortals. They're easy to love and quick to perish. Better for all of us to keep our distance.† I didn't touch the doctor, but I didn't move either. Bastien gave me a gentle tug, still quietly reasonable. â€Å"Come on, let's go. Leave him. You don't have the right to end his life.† I let Bastien lead me out. Once in the dark alley flanking the doctor's office, I shape-shifted back to my more natural-feeling Josephine form. â€Å"I want to leave Paris,† I told him bleakly. â€Å"I want to go somewhere where there is no death.† He put an arm around me, and I leaned into his soothing presence. â€Å"No such place exists, Fleur.† In Sol's house, I still bore down on Alec, again empowered with the ability to crush his life if I chose. But Bastien's words echoed within me, and I realized with an ache how much I regretted my current hostility with the incubus. Regardless, he was still correct after all these years. Revenge killings were not my right. It was unfair for an immortal to take advantage of a much weaker mortal. I would be no better than Sol. And looking at Alec underneath me, I realized just how terribly young he was. Not much older than Dominique. And anyway, my strength and coherence were failing by the second. I leaned in menacingly to Alec. â€Å"G-get out,† I mumbled through numbed lips. â€Å"I want you to get out. Out of Seattle. Don't ever contact Doug or anyone else from the band again. If I find out you're still in the city tomorrow night†¦Ã¢â‚¬  I struggled for an appropriate threat. My mental processes were grinding to a halt. â€Å"You, um, won't like it. Do you understand?† My bluff worked; he was clearly terrified. I climbed off him and sat crouched because I couldn't stand. He scrambled up, gave me a last terrified look, and tore out of the room. As soon as the door closed, I passed out.

Argument Supporting Increased Gun Control in the United...

According to the Coalition for Gun Control, last year a total of 291 people were killed by handguns in Australia, Sweden, Great Britain, Japan, and Switzerland. In the United States more than 24,000 people will be killed by the end of this year. So what is the big difference between the U.S. and these other countries? In these other countries it nearly impossible to buy any kind of gun. In these countries there are no gun shows. In these countries you can’t buy a gun at a pawnshop or your local Wal-Mart. These countries have strict gun laws and are all about gun control. In this paper I will discus the correct interpretation of the Second Amendment, why guns are such a problem in the U.S., and why guns are more likely to kill a friend†¦show more content†¦(Stevens vs. U.S., U.S. Court of Appeals, Sixth Circuit, 1971) Many people who oppose gun control believe that the second amendment is the Constitution’s way of making sure that our government never becomes ty rannical, and ensures that if it does, we will be able to overthrow it. First and most important, the Constitution was a document intended to create a government that could be changed by the people through peaceful means. One counter-argument to this is that if the government disarms the populace, the populace is ripe for dictatorial takeover, and cannot fight back. My response to this is simple: America has over 270,000,000 citizens at last count. No dictator could â€Å"take over† without popular support of these citizens. My second point is why guns are such a problem in the United States. The problem with guns is fairly straightforward: they make it easy to kill or injure a person. In Dr. Jeffrey A. Roth’s Firearms and Violence Brief he points out that approximately 60% of all murder victims in the U.S. were killed by firearms. In 1985(the latest year for which data is available) the cost of shootings was estimated to be more than $14 billion nationwide for medical care, long-term disability, and premature death. Arthur L. Kellerman found that residents of homes where a gun is present are 5 times more likely to experience a suicide than residents of homes without guns. My third point is why guns areShow MoreRelatedThe Issue Of Gun Control Laws1407 Words   |  6 Pagesin its path. There is no exact definition of mass shootings, but most sources believe it is when four or more people are shot in one location. Citizens in America are easily able to obtain a gun and the growing issue is whether this should change and stronger laws in place. 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